Grades

Numbers or letters connected to your name are meant to define who you are by society. Are you bright, intelligent, diligent, conscientious etc… Years of being at school, slaving over a hot desk scratched with the names of former victims, that familiar sweet and woody smell as you lift the lid. Reaching underneath to feel gum squelching into each of the four leg joints. A place which is your present but will decide your future. That moment when you look at the wall, should you start high or low to see where you come in the roll call of grades or opening a brown envelope, peering in to view the figures that might decide your future. Formerly there were letters A,B,C but now numbers, searching for the 9’s but generally hovering around the 6 region. On the edge. A point where you are unsure what to do next, a grade just below what was required by the sparkling university you visited a few months ago in great expectation and belief. Did I pick up the right envelope, maybe these are someone else’s marks. The buzz of friends and enemies around you collecting their fate. All is evened out. The brainy swats finally having their moment of fame. Oxford or Cambridge for you is it dears. Bristol poly for me then. Possibly. If I can persuade someone in their applications department that I might be worth a shot. Numbers or letters deciding your fate. Life turning in one moment, from the path of riches, fun, laughter ahead to one of struggle stretching forward. This obviously isn’t true though. What do grades really mean? That you knew how to remember some things, that you have a settled home life, interested and engaged parents, parents, lack of other interests such as music, football, cricket, culture, fashion, sex, drink, drugs, books, humour, travel. The past controls your future, how lucky did you get in the roll call of life, providing a backbone to drive forwards from. It carries on to university too if you decide to go there. More exams, testing, grades. 3^rd, Desmond, 2:1, first. You can only go to the next level if you get over a certain grade. Computer says no otherwise. You are thrown out with the trash, left with massive debts, hangovers, some new friends and no idea what to do next. Already a perceived multiple failure by the age of 22. You know your place. Grades don’t take account of humans, the fact that we all develop at various speeds, start to get into our skins, realise who we are, be the real me. We should all be tested for happiness really. Where are we on the scale? Are we doing the things that we love and are suited for, making the most of our talents and personalities, being the best person, we can be. All perfect 10’s if we need to give it a number. A**.