More than months of planning, getting in contact with old friends, spreadsheets, money falling out of your pocket in increasingly large numbers as everyone adds a nought for a wedding, excitement, stress, joy, connection, then it is all over bar the shouting. Mopping up the tail. Generosity overflowing. Heartbeats gradually slowing down over a beautiful honeymoon, amazingly bought by friends. Released from any thought of money. What an occasion to bring two clans together, friends you know very well and old acquaintances rejoined. A special event. Cards littering the house, each with incredible heartfelt messages. Was it all worth it, months of worrying how to pay back now, financially skint. Yes. Yes. Yes. Memories are worth more than cash. They define you and your life. Money is just an accoutrement. Something forever to look back on. A union for life surrounded by friends for life. Amazingly no dogs. Nor any horses. Coming together with your life partner, forging a life together that now has a neatly tied know, joined, bonded. A close relationship brought officially together, two people who don’t believe in official titles, non religious, but believe in each other and their friends. We all want to do it again. Plan it again. Look forward to it again. Our marriage ceremony and party are in the past but our journey forging on into the future. Something we will always remember even as old age catches up with us. An event where you are spread too thin, trying to talk with everyone who has come, but time is too short, your voice becoming increasingly hoarse. Life together starts anew amongst the strewn paper and card, everyone overly generous and beautiful. What a world. What a life.
Does it change anything, being married (or Civil Partnered as we are not allowed to say that we are married, but civilly joined together)? There is a feeling of solidity. Of a life message, a commitment to each other. It provides roots, rooting for each other and a friendship group. The day meant so much, a whirlwind of people you know. Who do you talk to for more than 20 seconds? Trying to ensure that people who have come the furthest, made the biggest sacrifice, get most attention. The event really needs to go on for a few days rather than just the hours of one day.
Honeymoon period, a time to flop. A few days away where everything is bliss. Perfect. Days of planning gradually ebbing away, flowing from your body, massaging, gently kneading the stress away. Your friends and family had come together to buy you this holiday, with spending money too, so nothing to worry about. Wander around the vineyard, sit in the gardens gorging on the everlasting and beautiful breakfast. Walk off and find a sneaky perch for a little daily sojourn, goods attained as part of the wedding present from a seedy back room, two young guys unaware that they they can take their vanilla or Tangerine Dream away rather than blow in each other’s faces amongst the featureless walls. Sucking and blowing for its own sake.
Does it feel different to be civil partnered? The clans are joined, we have come officially into our families, we have literally tied the knot. We are together, forever. How cool. People ask, ‘how does it feel to be married? Do you feel any different?’ It is difficult to answer at this moment as my mind is still racing around trying to take it all in, but the anwer will be yes. A closened bond. A public display of love and commitment. We don’t like using the phrase ‘man and wife’ or ‘husband and wife’. We are not religious. We are staunchly feminist, humanist, into equality and nonhierarchical worlds. Leading individual paths together. Walking hand in hand down the street, ready to take on the world with a bit of extra power in our union.
photo by Paul Ramsbottom
